When your child is struggling it can be emotionally draining for you too. You balance your own feelings of wanting to help, but sometimes it just feels relentless. As the therapist working with your child, I want you to know that I support you too. Helping your child through their emotions outside of sessions can make a huge difference in their progress helping both them and you. The ideas and reminders below can assist you get back on track with how you can guide your child. No parent is perfect, and there is no judgement. We learn from our parents, our peers and react to circumstances that affect us. This is why we work as a team, together. We may want to wrap our children up in cotton wool and protect them, but this doesn’t help them learn to navigate the real world and can make life more difficult for them. Equally, giving too much freedom with no boundaries never teaches our child responsibility or accountability for who they are or what they do. You have already shown how you want the best for your child by seeking help and that is commendable. It shows love and more importantly a joint solution focused approach. This will help them be a better member of any team.
One of the most meaningful things you can do for your child’s self-esteem is to set a gentle example. Kids are incredibly perceptive, often noticing more than we realize. When you speak kindly about yourself, even if you think they’re not listening, they’re absorbing that kindness. You’re a big role model in their lives, teaching them through your actions what it means to be a happy, confident grown-up. So, when you focus on what makes you feel good and pursue your interests, it sends them a powerful message that you, too, are special and worth taking care of.
When problems pop up, try using solution-focused language. Instead of jumping right into what went wrong or who’s to blame, focus on calmly finding a way forward. This shows your child that mistakes don’t have to be scary or all-consuming—they’re just moments we can handle thoughtfully. And let them see that learning is a lifelong journey. Tell them stories about the time it took you to learn something, like driving, or share their baby photos and talk about all the amazing things they’ve learned since then. Little stories like this help children understand that everyone grows at their own pace.
It’s also incredibly helpful to talk about the importance of respecting differences. When your child learns to appreciate the unique qualities in others, it can make it easier for them to believe in their own specialness, too. Respect for others becomes a foundation for their self-confidence.
Praise is so valuable, but sometimes less is more! Instead of praising everything, try highlighting the little things you love, like the colours they chose in a drawing or the creativity behind their ideas. If they know you’re genuinely interested in their world, they’ll feel valued and confident being themselves. If they’re struggling or feeling stuck, suggest tiny, manageable steps they can take—breaking things down can make challenges feel doable.
Remind them that they’re wonderful just as they are. At this age, peer pressure can feel like a big force, so point them towards positive role models and fill their lives with inspiring stories and activities that build them up.
All these small steps really add up over time, helping them grow up feeling valued, loved, and proud to be themselves.
Managing emotions is a challenge for everyone, and it’s completely normal to feel unsure when supporting your child through big feelings—especially while juggling your own. You don’t need to have it all figured out to be a wonderful support for them. One of the best places to begin is by simply showing interest in their feelings and letting them know those feelings matter to you.
Sometimes it helps to pay attention to their body language, taking a guess at what they might be feeling, and gently checking in. Giving them space to express emotions without any pressure or judgment can help them feel more secure. Even if their feelings seem a little puzzling or minor to you, remember that these emotions are very real for them. Adopting a curious approach rather than one of concern can make it easier for your child to explore their own feelings openly.
Respecting your child’s emotions doesn’t mean you have to shift boundaries, plans, or routines whenever they’re upset. It’s important for them to see that emotions—however big—don’t have to change everything around them. Letting them see that we can handle our feelings while keeping boundaries gives them a safe framework and helps them manage life’s ups and downs.
You’re not alone in this balancing act. By showing empathy and acknowledging their feelings, while explaining your own choices or decisions, you’re teaching them something very valuable: it’s safe to feel hard emotions, and it’s also okay to have limits. This will give them tools to respect both their own feelings and others’ perspectives, even when they don’t always agree.
Parenting is the hardest, but most rewarding job in the world. Nothing beats it. Every child is unique and special, but so are the parents.
Contact me today for help with your most precious gift.
Comments