Way back in the eighties, I visited Blackpool tower. Why is this significant you may ask. Well, the fear of heights I had, seemed to have come on quite quickly,  and the thought then, of going up the tower was both exciting and terrifying at the same time. The need to prove to myself I could do it was the only thing that enabled me to get into the lift and start the ascent the top.

Instinctively I did calm breathing whilst my body felt like it was on fire, and  I rationalised with myself as I began to look around this tiny lift. As we began to move upwards, I noticed a tiny window beside me and could see the ground rapidly moving away. Then as I moved my eyes away from the horror of actually seeing the beach and roads becoming smaller and smaller, I noticed the lift man, cranking a small handle that was effectively, the mechanism for lifting us up away from the safety of the ground. It didn’t matter how much I rationalised to myself that it was too late to turn back (because it was) or that it would be over in a moment and I was safe; the ride up to the top was the loneliest, scariest, journey I have ever encountered, yet there was no justification for this fear.

The lift had been going up and down for decades with many journeys every day, so why should this day, this ride be any different to the hundreds maybe even thousands of times it had been done before. My heart and mind did not care about that, they just cared about getting out of there.

At the top, the walkway around that enables you to view Blackpool from above, was narrow with a dome shaped window that encircled the walkway. I remember hanging on to the wall beside the lift too scared to move, all eyes on me like I was some kind of lunatic, breathing for my life and feeling crippled, bent over and terrified. I do not know how long I crouched there for, but the lift came up, went down and came up again several times.  It took all my effort to go towards the window, wobbling feeling disorientated but determined to take in the view so I could say I had done it.  It was exhausting, terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

Looking back, I wonder where this fear had come from when just a couple of years prior  I would have thought nothing of scaling the wall from the upstairs bedroom down to the garden or sitting on the tiny outside windowsill swinging my legs much to the utter horror of my poor distraught mother.  

Anxiety and fear often have no rationality or meaning to them. The brain decides there is a reason to be fearful, even when we are totally safe. The survival part of my brain, so primal, so strong and effective that it had overturned every rational thought and feeling and put me into fight or flight to keep me out of danger and do its job by helping me survive. This part of the brain cannot tell what real or perceived danger is, but you can bet your bottom dollar when it kicks in, you know about it. My brain was sending signals to the rest of my body that this was unsafe, I might fall, this might kill me.

These signals came from previous experiences, what did I learn last time I was up high, the last time I felt like this -  what I could see, feel, hear and these signals were being passed back and forth from brain to body, and from body response back to the brain. These overwhelming feelings were exhausting.

Standing by the lift was my way of not confronting my fear. When looking out of the window, the fear was still evident, but I experienced it anyway. I faced that fear, although I did not know at that time how and why my body and brain were reacting the way they did, and it was only youth and determination that allowed me to face that fear. Fear is a part of our survival response; the feelings are supposed to be strong.

Imagine being in a playing field watching the cricket and the ball suddenly comes in your direction. You duck, reach to catch or move faster than your thinking brain can acknowledge and tell you what is happening. This is the survival response. It is there for a reason. The adrenaline kicks in - but it does not have time to contemplate what signs are real, or to send rationalisations to the thinking brain, it just reacts. Often this response is over in moments, and you think no more about it. However, if the ball hits you or keeps coming in your direction, the survival response works harder, and this learning becomes more ingrained and, in the future, just seeing a stationary cricket ball can be enough to set off a fear response.

The body and brain react in this way because of memories, not because we are not safe.

It senses, it acts, you survive.

Anxiety feels the same way – the body becomes alert, and we mistake that for fear. The heart stars pounding ready for you to react. But if you keep avoiding the situation you never face the fear which would allow the fear to subside. Avoiding the fear confirms our belief it was unsafe making that fear increasingly valid. Avoidance of fear dictates our every move when we suffer anxiety, instead of us being able to tolerate it- face it and conquer it. To fight fear and anxiety you must be willing to confront it. The alarm system responds before you have more time to rationalise.

When we are feeling anxious and we avoid, we may feel safe for that moment. We are telling our brain this is dangerous now we are safe. It reinforces the fear.  Each time the brain has an experience it registers that as part of its belief. This is dangerous, I have avoided it, we are safe. What you actually need to do is to give it evidence that  you can get through it and survive. Trying to rationalise and tell the brain that though, is not enough. You have to give the brain hard evidence, which means experiencing it and giving it validation. This may mean going over and over it until it becomes more normalised and acceptable.  Things we do in our comfort zone are normalised, our comfort zone has been done over and over again so we perceive it as safe.

When our body sense fear, our breathing becomes shallow and fast as energy is directed to the limbs ready for us to fight or flee. However, once we recognise the body is heading into the fear response, we can calm the body by breathing slower, deeper and making sure the out breath is much longer and slower than the in breath. This is also best if it is completely nasal breathing.  Sometimes though, these few moments of calm breathing are not enough. The stress hormones are running rampant and have nowhere to go. By finding a quiet space, even if it is the cubicle of a loo, having a good and purposeful shake – like a wet dog emerging from the river, or jumping like a two year old having a tantrum for a good 30 seconds, can release this this energy allowing you to follow this up with body relaxation and calm steady breathing.  You need to use up the energy, calm the body, or both.

Anxiety and fear is made worse by not facing the issues we worry about.  We validate them by avoidance. keeping us locked in emotions that stop us living a normal and happy life. Support and tools to help face these fears can be learned. The skills are lifelong if you continue to use them.

 In the realms of good therapy, the skills you learn on how to face your fears, in a productive step by step way, can dramatically change your life.  How effective this is, depends on the effort and determination of the anxious person. The amazing thing is that, when you conquer your fears and start getting your life back, it is incredibly empowering and can give you the confidence to do things you never thought possible. 

We do more than merely exist, we have an inbuilt incredible ability to escape danger, and a body that responds accordingly. But we also have a mind that with a little bit of training and support, can affect that non rational survival part of our brains and make us less fearful. It will still enable us to escape danger should we need but in a safer more productive way. Less stress and anxiety reduce the amount of inflammation in the body, reducing the risk of sickness and subsequent anxiety. The mind and body connection are an incredible thing as is the power, strength, and ability of the mind.

If you would like to know more about anxiety and how you can overcome it, get in touch for help, support and guidance today and put your fears behind you.